Hello, and Goodbye…

hello-goodbyeHey there! I feel like this post is going to be a lot more personal than my others have been, but bear with me, because I was suffocating with my emotions and I needed to share my thoughts with someone. I just didn’t know who, so why not write it on my blog, right?

So here it goes…

Having close family studying or living abroad is one of the worst things in the world. You don’t see them in months, only over skype calls or something similar, and some times when they do come home, it’s only for a few days, which sucks. My brother is taking a PhD on a university abroad and he came home last Monday, really late at night, because he had some things to take care of here. He left today at 6am, so basically he was home a little over two days. Today has been such a hard day for me, having to control myself a couple of times not to cry while I was in my lectures at uni.

Since my brother is only 5 years older than me, we’ve always been pretty close. Yes, we bicker a lot (not so much now, because we’re not together everyday) and yes, we have our occasional arguments, but he’s always there for me and he has helped me so many times, as well as put up with me. That’s why it’s so hard not to have him here. He’s been taking his PhD for almost a year and a half and there’s still almost three years to come. I should probably be used to it by now, but each time he has to leave us, it’s just so hard.

This time, I think it was even worse, maybe because he was only here for two days, or because I hadn’t been with him since the end of August so I needed him here for just a couple more days. I don’t know… I just know that when it was time to say goodbye last night I went to give him a hug and while we were hugging, I just started crying. And I couldn’t stop. I just hugged him tighter, not wanting to let go, not wanting him to go. It didn’t help that he had earlier told me that he wanted to stay and he didn’t want to leave. Anyway, I ended up going to bed after properly saying goodbye and today I just woke up, feeling like there’s something missing, like a part of me is not here. I know this sounds ridiculous to some people, but it’s true. I’m so much happier when I have my brother here with me, and I’m not just saying that. I really am different when I have my brother here and when I don’t. And I just miss him. And I know it hasn’t even been a day, but I miss him, I just want him here. He was here for such a short period of time that I feel like it couldn’t really make up for all the time he was away. It was like one minute I was saying hello, and the other I was just saying goodbye…

Anyone that has family in the same situation, probably knows what I’m going through. And it really sucks, doesn’t it?


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