To put it simply, I’ve had a bad week. I was expecting a tiring week because of how busy I’d be with university related stuff but on Wednesday, it went even more downhill. Because of some news I got that day, these last days have been crap. I wasn’t going to talk about it here, because I know there are people who just won’t understand, but I needed to share my thoughts on the matter.
Since it was on the news here in Portugal, I’m guessing it was too on a lot of other countries. So you have probably heard that Zayn Malik left One Direction and I don’t know if you know, even though I have mentioned it before, but I love One Direction. Yes, I’m almost 20 years old and I love One Direction, and I have since I was 16. You might be thinking that love is a strong word and you’re right, it is, but it’s also the correct word to express what I feel for them. How can I not love them when they have done so so much for me? They give me hope, they make me feel loved, they make me happy. I remember the first day I heard about them so clearly, but I never thought they would mean so much, I never thought they would have such a huge impact on my life. They are my inspiration and there were times when they were my only source of happiness and when their music was the only thing that helped. I’ve gone to two concerts of them and specially in the last one, I felt like I was in the place where I belong. So yes, I do love One Direction and the fact that Zayn left the band broke my heart.
I was at uni when I got the news. One of my friends told me and my first reaction was to tell her to stop joking, but then I understood she wouldn’t joke about something so serious. That’s where the nerves kicked in. I was in a classroom and I couldn’t leave, so I went on twitter and everyone was talking about it. But it couldn’t be true, could it? This couldn’t be happening to my favourite band… But then my friend sent me the link to their official facebook page where they had made a post about it. It was true, he was leaving… Then came the worst part: having to desperately hold my tears, not wanting to cry in public. It was only after two hours that I got home and I broke down as soon as I was in my bedroom. The whole fandom was brokenhearted and hurt. It was painful. And I guess facing The Wanted’s break up back in 2014 should have made me stronger against this. It didn’t. I suffered even more because One Direction owns a special place in my heart. I know some people don’t understand this, some people might even think it’s ridiculous and uncalled for to feel like this, but it isn’t. Everyone has something they’re passionate about, everyone is a fan of something, or was when they were younger. Put yourselves in the One Direction’s fans situation, try to imagine how we feel.
Zayn left the band and he had his reasons, whatever they were. There are different versions and there are things that don’t add up. I’m still not sure about what story to believe. It is said that Zayn had been unhappy for a while and he only kept going for as long as he did for the fans, but then he couldn’t do that anymore. If that is the truth, it makes me really sad that he wasn’t happy with what he was doing anymore, but it also warms my heart to know he stayed for the fans. What I know and what I have always said is that they should have longer breaks. They need to rest from the strict timetable they have and a couple of months isn’t enough. These last few years have been so busy for them that they shouldn’t have jumped right from Where We Are Tour to On The Road Again. And who knows, maybe things would have been different…
I don’t know what the future holds for Zayn but I do doubt he will ever be able to have the “normal life” he wants. I don’t know for how long One Direction will keep going and I admit that’s what I’m most scared of. I’ve always thought of the boys as one of those boybands that would just keep going and going. I guess I was wrong. I do admire Liam, Niall, Harry and Louis for deciding to keep going. It must be so hard for them to not have Zayn in the band anymore. And it must be hard for Zayn as well to watch everything that’s happening, because even I do admit that some fans had really extreme reactions.
It’s been really hard for the fans, me included, and this isn’t something that will just go away. Some times it doesn’t feel real and then it just strikes you again that he left. I felt really lost these past few days and I’m really thankful for the friends I had there for me. It’s hard though to hear people making stupid comments about the situation and one of the news channels of my country almost mocking the way the fans are feeling. But I’ll just keep doing what I have been doing for the past four years: support the boys.
Maybe this little rant isn’t interesting for some people but I had to do it. I needed to do it.
It’s been a tough week but let’s hope better days will come.