Looking back…

The last few days got me thinking about the past too much. Since it’s the Academic Week here in my city, we have a sort of music festival that goes on every night of the week. I live in a small city, so I can’t help but see a lot of familiar faces.

Last night, I went with my friends to this event. My best friend bumped into an old classmate of ours and then we met up with him at the end of the night again. To be honest, it was weird. We had been classmates until the end of 9th grade but then our class just got separated because a lot of people changed schools. He was a really close friend of mine but we soon lost contact. The last time I’d seen him was in 11th grade I think, which was like 3 years ago, when we bumped into each other at the mall. Unfortunately, he wasn’t the only friend from my 9th grade that I lost contact with, it happened with a lot of them. There’s only a few people I still talk to, which include my two best friends. But it got me thinking…

9th grade was 5 years ago, but it feels like it was yesterday. I remember some things so clearly and it has been 5 years… I still think of some of my classmates like friends even though I haven’t seen them in years and I probably don’t know them anymore because they must have changed, as I did. There were also some people I didn’t like, but ultimately I wonder how they are all doing, what happened to them in these 5 years. The ones that were my friends, did I cross their mind in these past years like they crossed mine? Did they miss me at all? Because I missed them, ones more than others, that’s for sure, and not all the time, but sometimes they crossed my mind, they still do, and I missed them. There were times I wished I was still talking to some of them and I could still confide in the ones I was closer to, but it’s not like after years of not talking to them I can get that friendship back. Like I said, the guy I saw last night was really close to me, the closest thing I had to a guy best friend back then, but I only realised the importance of our friendship once he wasn’t there anymore. I do wonder how different things would had been if we’d just kept in touch.

Before university started, when 12th year was over, I was afraid I’d lose my friends, because of what had happened in 9th grade. Maybe because we were older or our friendship was different, more mature, but we made it work, we MAKE it work. Some of them are still my closest friends and just about a week ago, we all had dinner together with a few more friends from our 12th year class and it’s like not much has changed.

Last night, seeing that guy, really got me wondering what would happen if we all arranged a 9th grade dinner party. I’d like to know how it’d be like seeing everyone after all these years, see how much people had changed, find out what was still the same and what wasn’t… I’m sure of one thing: it would be really awkward and weird. But maybe it would be nice, seeing everyone.

A few months ago, I’d finally accepted that people leave and life goes on, that some friendships are great but are not meant to last a lifetime and that blaming yourself for the friends you lost, when in reality you just stopped talking to each other, doesn’t do you any good and it’s better to just move on from those people. However, last night showed me something else because when my best friend told me she had bumped into him and he had told her to call him later so that he could see me too, I couldn’t help but feel a little happy. Why? Because maybe a bit of the friendship still remains and that’s comforting. Because I realised it’s okay to still miss someone you haven’t seen in years.

Looking back to 9th grade, I wish I’d done things in a different way, but there’s not going back now and all in all, I’m happy right now. I’d like to see everyone some day and who knows, maybe I will? Ultimately, I know that if I really needed some of those friends and I called, they’d still be there, and I guess that’s all the reassurance I need right now. That and the fact that I have some pretty amazing people in my life, who are there every step of the way.

This turned into a really emotional thing, didn’t it? Sorry about that, I just felt like writing about this. Hope everyone has having a great week!

Until next time,

Jo xx

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