It’s been more than a month since I made a blog post so I figured it was about time I did. There’s a couple of reasons I haven’t made a blog post in while. The second semester started and that meant I started being really busy. I have a lot of group assignments and I barely have time to breathe lately (well, I’m exaggerating a bit to be honest) but I get home before dinner and when the clock ticks 11 p.m. I’m always so tired that I don’t really have energy to make a blog post. Besides, I’ve ran out of ideas for blog posts. I also wrote a personal post once or twice but then decided it wasn’t something I wanted to share in my blog at the moment.
The truth is I have also taken some time for myself. Life has been weird. I’ve been feeling really happy at university, because I don’t really think I’d ever gotten along this well with my classmates. I’ve gotten close to some people and it’s something I’m really glad about. I still have my friends, who I miss a lot most of the times, but I learned that having separate friendships is a really good thing. Having those people at uni that care about me has also helped me deal with the fact that I haven’t heard from one of my best friends (can I still call her that?) in months. My brother came home for a visit for a couple of days so that was great too but it was really hard for me when he left. I’ve been more involved in social activities at uni which it’s really good because I’m a really shy person, but I still need my time alone.
Despite being so happy, some times I can’t help but feel lost and sad and it has been happening more and more, which I think is because I’ve been so tired that it drains me emotionally. And it’s getting harder to hide it, which I used to be able to do quite well. Just last week, there was this drama with my classmates because of an event we were organising and I was just so done with all of them. I texted one of my “old” friends if we could hang out because I needed to be with one of them to restore a bit of my sanity and be able to put up with my classmates later that day on that event. All went well but I was really thankful for my friends that day.
There’s one thing I find curious… When some of my best friends ask me how I’m doing, I end up replying that I’ve been really tired lately but I’m good. While it isn’t necessarily a lie, it’s also not the real truth. I just make it sound like I’m physically tired and I assure them I’m fine, when I’m also tired emotionally. I don’t know if they believe me or not. But then I’m at uni and one of my classmates asks if everything is alright and the first time it happened I got so surprised because we were in the middle of a lecture and I was having one of those moments where it really wasn’t and it was so hard to lie and say I was fine. I must have been really unconvincing because my friend asked me a couple more times and it got harder to lie every time. And yesterday he asked me again, but I was actually having a better day (which was probably related to the fact that I had rested more) and even though I don’t really know him well enough to trust him with my problems, it made me feel better to know he cared enough. So another reason I haven’t been blogging was because I felt if I did, I’d probably write some posts that would mess with my feelings and make me feel even worse, so I wanted to focus a bit on my mental health before coming back.
Anyway, I’m making it sound like this month has been filled with not-so-happy things but I also had what was probably the best night of the year since it started. I had my course dinner and I admit I got pretty drunk. My friends and I were meeting later and I was sleeping at my friend’s house (the one that I said I went to hang out with last week, bless her for being such an amazing friend!) so I didn’t have to worry about going home. That’s why I ended up drinking more that I would’ve if I had to go home. Besides, I was with my closest friends from uni and I knew they would take care of me if I needed. It was a really great night (from what I remember, anyway…) and after dinner some of my friends from uni and I went to meet up with my other friends. I said goodbye to my friends from uni and spent the rest of the night with the others. I kind of lost my phone but then I found it and even though it wasn’t working to begin with, it worked after a while. We went to a night club and I ended up seeing my friends from uni there too which was great because I could spend time with them all. As I’ve said, it was a really fun night!
I don’t think anything else exciting has happened but maybe I just don’t remember because it’s almost 11:30 p.m. and I’m getting really really sleepy (I used to go to bed at 1, is this what growing old feels like?). Anyway, I’m not going to make any promises about my blog schedule because the next months will be chaotic (that I can promise) but hopefully I’ll find time and things to blog about.
I hope everyone has been good!
Until next time,