As the year is coming to an end, it’s that time to reflect on how it went. Today hasn’t been a particularly easy day for me and I found myself looking back on what happened this year and wanting to share it here.
The thing about 2016 is that I think continued what I’d started during 2015. I was just reading the blog post I made looking back on 2015 before I started this and I came to that conclusion. But 2016 was so much more…
The first half of the year was strange when it comes to university. I had the worst semester when it comes to my motivation regarding the course (I also blogged about that) but when it comes to socialising, I guess I built up a lot of social skills. I had fun, I got to know people at uni better, I made new friends and it was great. It helped me a lot to become more independent but the thing I realised in the past months was: I was trying too hard. I was trying too hard to be sociable and make more friends than just my old ones from my hometown and I wasn’t really being myself. I didn’t notice it during the semester because I was so busy that I didn’t have time to stop and realise I was being someone different for other people instead of being someone different for me. But it was still good and I don’t regret it. Because it helped me see that I could and wanted to be myself. When the summer started and I spent a lot of time home alone or when I went one week to the beach with my best friends and after to Spain with my family, I started realising I didn’t really like who I was being in some aspects and I’d kind of lost myself. I realised it more and more as the summer went on and by the time university started again I needed a break from everything that wasn’t university. I pushed people away and I’m really sorry for that. I barely talked to my best friends for a while except sometimes on group chats or when I wanted to show something to someone. I started focusing on university more and on the people there, but this time trying to be as truthful to myself as I could, and trying so so hard not to care anymore if other people judged me or not. The people I’d gotten close to in the first half of the year, I started getting even closer, which helped me being myself. I started geeking out over Harry Potter or other stuff with people from there. I got obsessed with lipsticks and highlighter and as my confidence in the university environment grew, I started getting bolder in the ones I put on. I got involved in the students’ “comission” of the course and tried to help as much as I could, which made me get closer to people as well. Ultimately, in the course’s Christmas dinner we organised for everyone (professors included), I sang in the karaoke with my friends which is something I never in a million years thought I would do in front of all those people (but music and friends do that to you). I was also so motivated with university because I enjoyed the majority of my subjects so so much (except at the end of semester when I was just exhausted with the amount of course work we had). But yeah, in the universe of university, things got so much better for me throughout 2016!
Still, in the past months I disregarded my other friends for a while but I really just needed time to find myself again. And then one day in October I was on facebook and something happened… Back in high school I made this friend on twitter from the UK and she became one of my best friends, we even met twice. But then in my 2nd year of university, life happened and we slowly lost contact. I missed her a lot but I’d contacted her once or twice after that before we stopped talking again and I didn’t want to impose myself once again (my damn insecurities and self-doubt…). I often wondered how she was but yeah I was afraid she wouldn’t replied and I couldn’t deny I’d lost her then. So October came along and I remember thinking it was like a week till her birthday. The next day I had a message from her saying she missed me and asking how things were and things like that. We chatted and it felt like we hadn’t even gone weeks without talking, it still felt the same. And I felt so happy to have her back in my life! That was one of my top things from 2016 for sure.
But 2016 was great in other aspects. I traveled, a lot. I went to fantastic places! I went to Rome in April and it was one of my favourite places ever! I went to Madrid in June. I went to Matalascanas also in Spain in August. My brother offered me a trip to Germany in the end of my summer holidays and I ended up going to such beautiful places like Strasbourg (since the city where he lives is so close to the border) and the most breathtaking place I’ve ever been to (I swear I even cried): Saarschleife. I also had this little weekend escapade with my aunt, cousins and brother and it was the most relaxing thing.
I also have to look back on 2016 in terms of music. I saw Adele and she was oh so amazing! I saw 5SOS live in Madrid and I had one of the most emotional heartfelt moments of my life hearing them play Jet Black Heart live (I also talked about that here). I saw Pentatonix again and they were as great as ever. Unfortunately I couldn’t see Shawn Mendes when he came to Lisbon in May and that was the one concert I’m immensely sad I missed but I had more important things that day so I don’t regret it.
2016 gave me so many beautiful sunsets, I saw one at the beach and it was so beautiful. I saw a shooting star for the first time. I traveled by plane alone for the first time. I saw a lot of sunrises too. I read new books. I listened to new music.
In 2016 I had a bad anxiety/panic attack (I don’t think I should call it attack but I can’t find a better word) and it had never happened to me, so it scared me a lot. But I also learned how to deal with the anxiety I get sometimes (in really specific situations) and to live with it.
Also, earlier this month something happened that I don’t really want to talk about here but I shared it with some of my closest friends because it was a complicated situation and after a few days I realised there was another person I would have talked to if we were on speaking terms but we hadn’t been in touch for over an year: my best friend or whatever I’m supposed to call her with whom I had a fight in 2015. I realised how much I missed her and put everything aside and reached out and we’re on speaking terms again which is great.
So yeah, 2016 has been a weird year for me but I think it was a good one. My life changed a lot and I’d like to think I did to, for the better.
Let’s see what 2017 has in store for us…
Happy new year to you all, in advance!